When I was born I was very lucky to have a Mom who loved the Lord and a father that encouraged her to bring her family up in a church. When Village Missions came to Brinnon my family was a part of the planning and building process although I was only a little girl. I remember how exciting it was for Mom to finally have a church here.
I was in youth group, Sunday School and cooked for the building work parties. I was at all the fundraisers and had some recipes in the church cookbook. I accepted the Lord and was baptized when I was 8 years old, a few years later my Dad became a Christian.
I went to a Christian College in the midwest -- the summer after graduation I was in a motor vehicle accident. My Mother, Father and sister were killed. Peggy and I were roommates in a hospital for a month with our younger brother down the hallway. I asked how could God do this to us? In addition to the pain from multiple broken bones I felt that my heart was breaking. I turned from God because I was angry with Him. He had destroyed my life.
My goals and dreams were destroyed along with my family, my ambitions were gone -- I was into day to day survival. There was no meaning to life. I contemplated suicide. Then I got some counseling and I in turn became a counselor. Regaining my self worth I relied heavily on myself and positive thinking until I felt that I, with intention and action, could handle most any situation.
Shortly after this I did come to a realization that in order to hate God one had to believe in Him. I started to go back to church and then began the process of understanding that God doesn’t just let things happen -- there is usually a reason for it. Many of the things that I had experienced would not have happened if my parents had lived. Maybe God had another plan for them. I needed to let God lead me, but how could I know God’s will? He didn’t talk to me from a burning bush -- in fact, He didn’t talk to me at all.
As I got more involved with my Christian walk I realized He was talking to me -- I just wasn’t listening very well. It was great to have communication with God, every time I was sure of His will it was incredible. But I didn’t give Him all of me -- I held back because I felt the need to be self-reliant and protect myself from leaning too heavily on someone and trusting. I felt with sheer will I could do most things.
Then I got sick -- I would usually wait out any illness and it would get better. I did not get better -- finally I went to an emergency room (I had not gone to a doctor since my parents' accident 23 years earlier). I was told I needed emergency surgery -- I no longer cared about anything except my relationship to God. He was there with me -- I made many promises to Him and He stayed with me, and I was not lonely. He gave me peace and the promise that He would have me wake up the next morning if He still needed me on this earth. I woke up and have felt His love ever since.
Sure, I have had bad experiences since then, I’ve done things I shouldn’t have, said things I have regretted -- it hasn’t always been easy, but He has traveled my road with me. Helping me learn and experience things that I had not understood before. I would pray and beg the Lord, telling Him that I had learned enough.
But I didn’t always know when the experience should be over -- He did and I was a better person because of the lesson he had set before me.
I thank the Lord that I am so rich to have Him in my life -- He has given me a good family, great friends and volumes of memories that are invaluable.
